Give them the money.
Here’s what I’m hoping the press conference will sound like whenever they decide on what to do with the automakers bailout:
Good afternoon, bitches. After meeting, we’ve decided to approve this whole shebangabang. Here’s how it’ll go down…
The era of the combustion engine is coming to a close. If there’s one thing you three should have learned over the past decade or so, is that you can’t force feed gas guzzling vehicles down consumers throats. Because consumers will not tolerate four-dollar-a-gallon gas. And while the price of gas may have receded, it will go up again, and when it does we’ll be in the same situation we are now as long as we follow the same old plans.
So, we’ve set aside $25 billion dollars.
However, we haven’t set that aside for you. We’ve decided to invest that money into the future. The $25 billion will go to whichever company can design, blueprint, and mass produce a line of cars that are completely free of gasoline and cost under $16,000 to the consumer. I’m not talking about hybrid technology… we need to move beyond that. Maybe it’s hydrogen fuel cell, electricity, whatever. I’m not an engineer. But whoever is, and is up to the challenge, will get a $25 billion dollar investment from the American people.
Maybe that means a merger for you three. Maybe it means Joe the Mechanic will be the next Henry Ford. You have three months.
Seacrest out.
Here’s how I think it will go down:
Good afternoon, sirs. How much do you need? Twenty five bill? That’s totally fine, pay us back whenevsies.
